The resistance I feel towards writing is identical to the resistance I feel when creating anything that really matters to me.
For the last several months I took on the belief that my resistance was a sign that I wasn’t “supposed” to write. That whatever I was meant to create wasn’t ready yet…as if it lived somewhere outside of me, waiting for me to cross paths with it.
I now realize that that was never the case, my writing was always living inside of me, nudging me to put it into physical words. I just stopped listening. But, i have recently tuned back in to the curious and creative side of my humanness, and as a result, the ringing in the back of my mind to “JUST WRITE SOMETHING” called out louder than ever. But this time, instead of running from the voice, distracting myself from it, or wishing it away, I finally listened..because that is the season of life that I am now in.
In actuality, the changing of seasons in the last couple of weeks has been both literal and metaphorical for me. I routinely struggle to accept the end of the summer season; between my love for swimming in the ocean waves, eating watermelon scoop by scoop with a spoon, my dark tan, and the inherent happiness created every time I feel the warm sunshine on my skin…it is hard for me to walk away from it (even though there has literally never been a choice).
But, once the seasonal fruit stopped being available, the pumpkins started popping up in every direction around me, the sun began setting earlier, and the morning transitions got chillier, somewhere along the way I not only accepted the inevitable change, but I invited it in with welcoming arms. This acceptance does not come naturally, I am deeply affected by changes in the weather and environment, and summer is surely where I thrive. I believe this deep connection to the seasons and mother nature is something innate in all of us, but for some, we are more in tune with these variations of earth.
In the last few weeks, I have noticed myself eating foods that are in autumn season, foods that I had stopped craving for months. I noticed that I lost the desire to go out on weekends/drink alcohol, and became more and more attached to the idea of staying in and being cozy with some tea.
And, it isn’t even cold here in Orange County yet. But, still, I welcome the upcoming change.
This season change has not only been in the literal sense of which I have no control over, either. The season change is showing itself in many areas of my life. I am feeling compulsive yet gentle nudges to grow, expand, ease into, and in some cases, release. I am letting go of the cheesy yet true “things that don’t serve me anymore”, and shifting into the next evolution of myself, again and again and again. I continue to love who I am becoming. I am consciously creating the person I want to be and the life I want to live.
In some small ways, and some big, I am stepping into the best version of me yet. And, I think that is what we are all meant to do, until the day we leave earth. We are meant to evolve, we are meant to learn, be curious, create, feel, and enjoy. I am more in tune with my intuition than ever, I am following the curiosity rather than stumbling back into my resistance.
I refuse to ignore where I am being guided in each moment, and am noticing a massive difference in my external and internal life because of it. I stopped ignoring where I am being pulled to, and writing something…anything, is one piece of that puzzle.
Writing is something I come back to time and time again after periods of neglect and fear due to my perfectionist tendencies. But, good and done is better than perfect and never started..so I will let that notion be my guiding force in this new season.